A Glimpse of Egypt - from my travels/journal

Having said goodbye to my soul-mate Phil as he left for life back in the States, I decided it was time to start my own journey.

These diary entries are a snippet of the journey I took with my sister
and brother in Law through Egypt. These too are part of my soul journey
and I am still learning the lessons that this journey gave.

Boarded the plane at Heathrow. Feels good to be away from home already. Arrive in Luxor – first impressions hot, very hot. Julian my bro in law manages to haggle a taxi from the airport to Fontana Hotel where we decide to stay for the night. People seem nice, friendly. Luxor itself is manic but not as strange as I was expecting. Has a familiar feel like Greece or Italy. Its smelly, hot, car horns tooting, men wearing long cotton affairs.

Hotel is clean and simple but owner is very hospitable. Have booked a lot of trips for tomorrow so 7am start in the morning, mini bus ride out to the Valley of the Kings returning at 2.30 and then off for a boat trip down the Nile.

Took a walk tonight – ate loads of Koshari all for the equivalent of 50p and it was delicious. Trekked down to the banks of the Nile and met a man who invited us onto his Feluka (a kind of sail boat) where we drank mint tea and arranged a boat trip for tomorrow. Am currently sitting under the stars with a gentle breeze in my hair listening to Bob Marley – wonderful.

The buildings are strange here, they build up as they become more affluent but don’t finish the top floors, I think it has something to do with being taxed as soon as a building is officially ‘finished’. The result is that the bottom floors are really well decked out but as you go further and further to the top they become dark, half built and empty, sort of dark, stark and a bit scary. Just been on the roof of the hotel and could hear chanting from a nearby mosque and the gentle night sounds of crickets and people drifting home to bed.

So much to say about today. Picked up early and off to the Valley of the Kings. More amazing than I could ever have possibly imagined. On arrival, four herons were soaring overhead. The rocky mountains and desert heat gave a weird sensation of being really hot and totally overwhelmed almost like melting in heaven!

The Valley of the Queens and the three tombs were the first we visited. Two of the tombs were for little princes who had died at only 7 years old and the third was for Queen Titi. This tomb was so amazing that it brought me to tears. The whole feel of the place is death at its most beautiful. The carvings and paintings all depicting the soul’s journey into the afterlife.... Stars on the ceilings and the gods carrying the souls over. All death, all life, everything is love, truth, justice and the wild and magnificent never ending journey that we all go through in life, to the judgement at death where the heart is weighed against a feather to judge its goodness. If the heart is of light it balances with the feather but a heavy heart sinks like a stone.

Our guide was extremely knowledgeable and could read hieroglyphs and shared with us his knowledge of the gods and of Egyptian mythology of creation. The four elements and stories of when the air and the water conceived its children. The story of Isis and how she recovered the body parts of her husband who had been killed and his body scattered and strewn and how she brought him back to life for him to subsequently murder his brother. There was something in beautiful story of a fragmented soul tortured for years by a jealous brother and how Isis managed through her devotion and love to piece her husband’s life back together again that truly touched me.

The Valley of the Kings was amazing. Visited 3 tombs but the heat was overwhelming and couldn’t be enjoyed to its fullest. One tomb had an absolutely massive rose quartz crystal in the middle of it. Something so weird about this place, on the face of it all you see are rocks but underneath the barren earth lies a beauty which cannot be paralleled. It’s a journey into the depths of the soul.

Stopped on the way back to the hotel for fizzy drinks and laughed as the man in the shop tried to sell me an alabaster cat supposedly so that “your lover will never board an aeroplane and leave you.” The Egyptians are a bit like magicians. They seem to know, just by looking into your eyes what lies in your heart. The man in the shop tried really hard to spend time with me, even chased me back onto the mini bus singing “sex bomb, you’re my sex bomb” in front of a minibus full of people, trying to get me to meet him but my heart is still with Phil.’

Got back to the hotel and had to hurry to meet our host for our boat trip. The feluka was calm and peaceful and beautiful. The man who owned the boat was charming and cooked us a lovely meal. Food on a boat, sailing in the breeze and watching the big sun set over palm trees and the river Nile. I feel warm, full, at peace and tremendously happy. As always when I travel I don’t ever want to leave and could happily throw my soul to the wind and ask it to take me where it will.

Today was exceptionally hot. Too hot to do anything but drink water, go for a very short walk, and sleep in the comfort of a cool air-conditioned room. I swear to god that one foot outside the hotel and you feel as though you are being fried in a burning furnace!

So today we left Luxor heading for Hurgada to catch an early morning ferry. Got a horse and cart to take us to the bus station. Unfortunately the horse drawn tonight was terrible, the driver kept whipping the horse and the poor thing was so skinny, it truly upset all of us. Different story last night, the horse we hired was healthy and well fed and I actually got to argue with the driver over money. A good hearted affair which ended with me driving the horse and cart myself with cars all around tooting their horns as I stop and start all over the road alongside the loudmouthed driver who kept telling me how intelligent, clean and lovely i was! More and more i find myself able to get to the heart of a person and see them for the person underneath the bravado. Maybe the Egyptian way is rubbing off on me already!

Right now its about 10pm and I am sitting on a bus going through the desert with the moon almost full, reflecting off the sand dunes. Periodic stops by armed Police, I feel I have absolutely no idea what I am heading into. It is more desolate out here than anything I have ever known but the light of the moon shines on and the dark reflections of the dunes are both intriguing and ominous. I feel this desert tonight; I feel my soul resonate with the vast emptiness. The only light shining is from the heavens, reminding me of the multitude of stars in the vastness of space. I’ve had a sad day today, wishing I could change time and go back and put things right with Phil. I can only hope that looking at the emptiness and desolation of this vast empty desert that he knows also that the moon is shining on him tonight. So many harsh words have gone between us but the love I feel just seems to grow stronger the more whole I feel as a person. I miss him.

We pass though the dark night. From time to time I catch a glimpse of Egypt. The untold story. The poverty. Little thrown together shacks. Dead donkeys. Hungry children. A voice echoes through my heart to be thankful for all the good in my world. I say a prayer for the children.

Well I have only just recovered from the horrendous journey it took to get here. Non stop hassle once we arrived at Hurgada itself. Arrived at midnight and loads of us hassled into a taxi with Julian on the back of a very dodgy looking motorbike, leading the way to a hotel nearby. The taxi stunk of petrol fumes and to say we were a bit squashed would be having a laugh. The hotel was booked solid so they put the three of us up in one bed, which was a bit too cosy for my liking but amusing nonetheless, Sandra snoring and giggling next me all night long and a lamp on what looked like a very dodgy electrical cable swinging above our heads. Up at six to get the ferry over to Sharm where I had my bag searched thoroughly and all my gifts examined closely. Ferry ride was okay, enjoyable and a breather until the next leg of the journey.

The journey from Sharm to Dahab was through the desert and it was hot, cramped and ran out of water and nearly fainted from heat exhaustion. The ‘road’ is a sort of worn down bit of stony rubble that runs through the desert, not really a road, more of a groove made by cars as they traverse the same route through the desert. Taxi driver was stopped three times by police and to top it all we got a flat tyre and the replacement wasn’t a whole lot better. Still it was worth it to see the Red Sea.

The Red Sea at Dahab is stunning. 3 different shades of blue and very inviting. I have spent the last couple of days getting my bearings and finding my feet. Camp Bishbishi is friendly clean and very quiet. We are the only ones here and I was charged the ridiculous fee of about £1 a night to stay in my own hut. (no.8). It’s a great layout, huts dotted around and a kind of laid back communal area with a small kitchen just off it. Trekked out into the desert a bit today and found a lagoon that went out for miles and was shallow enough for me to float in. Very welcome but bizarre to be floating in a lagoon and looking out on mountains and camels and desert. Been arranging loads of trips, Blue hole tomorrow, a beautiful diving spot, unfortunately not being able to swim puts me at a disadvantage but will enjoy it anyhow. Have also found somewhere that I can take a white Arabian horse out for a ride along the beach and into the desert, a romantic idea but something I can’t wait to do. We’re also going out for a proper guided trek through the desert with camels, ending up at a Bedouin camp and I think we are also going to attempt to climb Mount Sinai at midnight to watch the sun rise. I feel like Paulo Coelho.

Tonight, moonrise was wonderful... Huge! Went out and sat by the sea watching the moon glistening off the water and feeling a gentle breeze blowing through my hair, I finally felt myself start to unwind.

The Egyptian men hassle me non-stop, as soon as they look into my eyes they won’t leave me alone and its really getting me down. Even the bank manager tried to grope me when I went in to change some money and I had to be really rude to him. It must be so much easier to be an independent traveller when you’re a man. I wish I had a partner to share all this beauty with and to shoo away wandering eyes.


Woke up bright and early this morning after an uncomfortable night – bed collapsed during the night and was too tired to sort it out, all fixed now. Every morning I awake to the sound of chanting and wailing at prayer time which is strange but also comforting and a reminder to do the same every day. The wind is strong and gusty this morning giving a pleasant coolness to the air after so many hot days. I am tiring of the constant flies and mosquitoes and laughed as I reminded myself of all the flies at the Gandy Dancer RV park that me and Phil lived in for a while. I’ve been wishing I had my super destructible sticky fly wand with me now. My legs are a mess from bites and from getting stabbed by a sea urchin the other day. The Bedouin girls at the beach came running up and helped me by putting hot stones on the wound to draw out the sea urchin hooks that they leave inside your flesh and they informed me to put a salve of lemon juice and warm water on it which i have been doing and it is definitely getting better.

Had a lovely meal at Bishbishi camp last night, Usama our new friend decided to cook for us and I still feel stuffed full this morning. Usama is an art teacher in Cairo but is fed up with the rigidness of the school system and is trying to branch out into the tourist trade. He wants to be our guide on our trek through the desert that we are planning and as he knows the area inside out it seems like a good move. Usama is a bit of a lost soul, he is pining the loss of his American girlfriend who spent a summer with him and became his fiancée only to return home and never be seen of again. He watches every bus that comes in, still waiting for her to return.... God I bet I seem as bloody sad as he is! At least I have someone I can talk about my broken heart to that is also in the same place as I am.

Just woken up Sandra and Julian with Turkish coffee to get us all moving early this morning. It was good talking to the locals last night about religion and their beliefs. Interesting that in their culture, cats are like angels but dogs are like devils. It seems weird to me that there are so many problems in the world. Wherever I’ve been, people are people no matter what. All experiencing life’s struggles. All searching for a better life for their families. We talk of the impending gloom over Iraq. The question I keep getting asked is ‘why do the westerners hate us so much’. So much fear. It saddens my heart... here, people have been nothing but generous and kind and would share their last meal with a stranger.

Been feeding the little cats here. My favourite is a little wide-eyed tabby who talks all the time. There is also a cat nicknamed Bowie cat due to its one blue eye and one green eye, a favourite at camp here. Have also been trying to teach Usama how to send e-mails from the local Internet shop. Have told him I will try and help him set up a website from home when I get back.... Home. Something I am dreading returning to – what is home with no friends and no love, won’t dwell on that one but have realised now that I can’t live in limbo like this any longer. Will sit it out for a while – at least until i get some word from Phil on what he wants to do but don’t want to have to wait for much longer. Home is a bit like a graveyard now with a house full of his stuff and ghosts of my past everywhere. I nearly burned and smashed up his guitar before I left, me and dad were going to do a do ‘Jimi Hendrix’ in the back garden with it but realised I didn’t have to, just thinking about it was enough. I need to move forward really badly but not sure how that can happen. I guess I just have to put my faith in the universe to lead me to where I should be next.

Day out at the ‘Blue Hole’ a famous diving spot. Got picked up by an open back Land Rover, piled into the back with a load of New Zealand travellers, had a good laugh with them, bumpy ride with a load of strangers but we all saw the humour in it. Got to the Blue hole fairly early, can’t swim but hired some goggles and walked out on the coral reef with much trepidation until I found a place I could lie on my front and stick my head in the water. Fantastic, what a different world it is underwater. The different coloured fish and size of some them absolutely blew my mind. I lost myself in the sea world for too long, got really badly sunburned, and blistered on my back. Oh well, it was worth it!
Taxi back to camp was another struggle with an Egyptian man. I think so far I’ve been offered about 5 hands in marriage and Jules is totting up what I am worth. So far, a sail boat, three camels, and a taxi was the highest bidder! There’s something a bit weird in all this. I am even getting photographed in the street? Have to keep checking that I’m decent and not walking around with my knickers tucked into my skirt or something ha ha.

Got back to camp and two Palestinian men had arrived. They’ve had a really hard time and were evidently in party mode. I last saw them dancing wildly around camp.
The camp owner, has very kindly set up his bed next to my hut just in case they get too out of control. I can see him out there now with his ‘bong’. He’s like ‘the protector’ in camp. Oh and shit, the poor bloody goat I’ve been feeding got its neck slashed tonight. Goat stew on the menu but being veggie I stuck with just rice tonight.

Found myself locked into conversation with Usama about the spirit retrieval course I’m doing. I had to find a bit of wood and make a spirit friend out of it. I found a bit of driftwood that looks like a little man. He actually looks like a Native American with a pouch on his back for his arrows. Usama seems very interested in the creativity side of the course. I also have to do a sand painting so I’m off to the beach at some point before I leave to see if I can buy some coloured sands from one of the market traders. Usama is lovely, I feel safe in his presence.

Dahab seems like paradise. Everyone is so friendly and I’ve barely managed to get past about three or four shops, every one I pass invites me in for tea and to watch the football. I don’t even like footy but just seeing their enthusiasm is worth going in and sharing a cup of tea for!

What a day! Usama is trying to become a tour guide so decided to use us as his guinea pigs. Met up with a really nice French group who were a real laugh, will be spending more time with them I think. A British couple also decided to join the party. So, we set off for the desert. Long drive to the edge of the desert. Met up with a Bedouin man with a camel at a Bedouin camp when we arrived. The camel would be carrying our water. Sandra really laughed as I had packed my towel, but you never know when you might find an oasis ha ha.

The first stretch of desert, heat, hard going walking through sand. Stopped under a rock for some shade, amazing sand structures, I’m loving this already. Had to climb down some really dodgy makeshift ladder, my arse is so fat I didn’t know if I would fit, but did! Chatted to Usama about the truly incredible rocks. I pointed out the shapes of Eagles, castles, jolly fat men and faces in all the rocks we passed. He’d never noticed them before and became intrigued as we walked on, looking at everything with new eyes. Next, the coloured canyons, oh my, never in my wildest dreams have I seen anything so beautiful. Stopped and had a chat with a chameleon perched on a rock. There’s nothing out here at all; it’s a vast landscape of colour, shapes, and heat. Just started getting tired, been hiking now for over three hours and I simply am not used to walking in sand especially in the blazing heat of the Egyptian desert!

To all our surprise, we spot in the distance palm trees. Usama explained that this was a Bedouin camp, that there is water in this part of the desert and this is home for a group of people he’s come to know over the years. A welcome stop. Oh yes, there is somewhere to bathe, I knew I bought that towel for a reason! The Bedouin group invite us in, give us food, shelter, somewhere to rest our weary heads and feet for a few hours. I see a beautiful little girl, staring wild eyed at this strange bunch of weary travellers and beckon her over. She sits with me for a while, drawing pictures in the sand. She points to my wedding ring, which I’d worn merely as a symbol, that I wasn’t available, not that it had done me any good. Realised that this was the perfect time to let my past go. I took the ring off, blessed all the good years I’d had with my ex. Richard and gave the little girl my ring. She was delighted; it was a really sweet moment in my life. It was a real blessed time with the Bedouins. Beautiful people living a really harsh life.

Usama is calling us onward. He’s decided to take us further into the desert. After another hour of hard walking and people taking it in turns to ride the camel I decided to try something. I had been observing how the Bedouin guide seemed to glide across the sand; his feet barely seemed to touch the ground. After fighting an immense sand dune, we all realised we had probably pushed a bit too hard and I needed to do something to try and make this trek more pleasurable. It took me a good few hours of intent focus but at last I conquered it and found myself also able to glide over the sand instead of trudging through it.

Spotted a good place to climb and stop for a breather. Managed to squeeze our way through two huge boulders. Had a lizard running right next to my nose on one side, it made me laugh. Managed to get to the top of one of the boulders fairly easily. We were in a valley and no sooner as I got to the top when four crows skimmed the top of my head cawing, the echo was really loud through the valley. The British girl looked at me and said, “who the hell are you anyway, friggin Carlos Casteneda”. I did actually feel a bit like the man himself at that point!

More climbing, more rocks, Jules just found a bullet. Turns out we are lost. The camel seems to be struggling, slipping and sliding all over the place. Glanced back at my sis, she’s crying, laying face down in the sand, reaching for an empty water bottle. Oh dear, trying not to panic at this point. If it wasn’t for the fact that we are lost and don’t actually have any water left, this would have to be the perfect moment of the trip for me. The sky is now starting to get dark, there’s a deep purple sky that is completely cloudless. The Bedouin points out snake tracks in the sand. Cobras most likely. I pick up a gourd, will take it home, and use it as a rattle. Getting really dark now but the lovely Bedouin has remembered his way and knows we aren’t too far from a road. Phew. Spot a group of little children, running to us by the light of the moon.

Holding hands with all the little children, I run and tumble down the sand dune towards their camp. This is magic, pure and utter magic. There are times when no words can express emotion; this is one of those moments.

A land rover awaits us. Long drive back to camp. Am speechless, filled with the love of all the children, the desert and the Bedouins. I don’t even care that when I get back to camp, ants have invaded my bed. Slept well with the dream of the day still burning in my soul.

Big day today. Sinai. Have to be at the foot of Sinai at Midnight. Back tomorrow.


Where do I start to write about yesterday? Right well, here goes. Another ride to the foot of Sinai. Bad start, we take the wrong path. Quickly realised our error. Jules is marching on ahead, me and sis taking it slower. The moon is HUGE and throws enough light for us to be able to navigate our path. Walking at night is easier, better temperature. Plan is to get to the summit by dawn. Something slightly weird about this journey, it feels like a pilgrimage. Still sore from all the walking in the desert and the path seems to be ascending really quickly. Can’t believe how fast my heart is beating and how breathless I am. Sandra and I sit for a while, realise that if I am going to get to the top, am going to really have to pace myself. Am starting to envy all the people overtaking us on camels. Seems like cheating though. Fortunately lots of tea stands on the way. God bless the Bedouins, truly. The tea stops are pretty well placed. Just as you start to get to a point where you don’t think you can go on, like in that old cartoon Mr.Benn, suddenly the shopkeeper arrives with tea and a place to rest. Even though the moon is really bright I can still see the stars. Mind keeps floating back to Phil. I’ve searched for him in my dreams and in my mind and he’s gone. Damn this sixth sense, damn bloody Phil. I know he’s searching for someone else, I can feel his deceit from here. Mustn’t let myself get drawn into this negative thought process. Long way to go yet. Completely lost sight of Jules now. Sis tells me the last time she came, he walked too fast, and she barely made it. She’s glad of my company and it makes the row we had yesterday over me snivelling about Phil disappear into the night. We hold hands. We two like when we were little girls, helping one another along, feeling safe with each other. Where would I be without my little sis? We’ve always been there for one another through everything and I’m glad to be here with her, right here, right now. We will always have this moment.

Wow, just saw the biggest, brightest shooting star I’ve ever seen in my life. Saw this as an omen. Shooting stars over Mount Sinai. Make a wish; wish for Phil to return. Wish for him to realise what we had. I can’t seem to help myself. Everywhere I go, at each turn he’s there in my heart. Climb getting steeper now, steps, seems like torture, loads of them. Loads of people too, I didn’t count on this! Feel I have to pick up the pace as the trail of people behind me obviously all better climbers. Reach a point where at last I can stop. It’s early morning. More tea. Jules and Sandra disappear into one of the Bedouin huts. I have a quick jaunt to the summit, then descend slightly to a perfect ridge. I’m given a blanket and tea and I put my tape of Lakota stories on my headphones and stare into the night. Get a good little meditation going, feeling relaxed and at ease. I’ve bought a crystal up here with me, filled with all my hopes and dreams. I will throw it off the ridge of Sinai when the sun rises. Have made this part of my spirit retrieval, my own little ceremony and I sit, and I wait, for the sunrise.

The blanket of darkness starts to pull back its covers. I stand and say a prayer. I’m in a haze of tiredness and elation. I start to see the sleeping giants appear before my eyes, the mountains. Each and every one looks like a big giant, laying on his side, half-closed eyes, mouth in smile mode. I am filled with total peace, total love. It’s right at this moment, the moment I feel completely rooted in the ‘now’ I see something. I squint my eyes and a mass rainbow of colour, like rainbow glass in front of my eyes starts to take form. What is it? It’s immense. Shit where’s Sandra? She’s asleep in the hut. I don’t believe it, it can’t be. Can it? It’s taking form, oh my God; it’s an angel. An angel on top of Mount Sinai. What am I supposed to say? I can’t say anything, I can’t do anything. As soon as I start to try and figure out with my logical mind what it is I’m looking at, it’s gone. I fall to my knees and thank the universe. I throw my crystal over the ridge and with peace in my heart, feeling more tranquil than ever before I search out my sister. I try to tell everyone what I saw but it sounds so lame. They try to tell me it’s probably sleep deprivation or something. I know different and keep the picture in my heart.

The descent. Nobody told me about the descent. The millions of steps, the heat, my knees! It’s a slow slow trek down but we make it. Hoards of people are gathered to look at the site of the ‘burning bush’. I don’t think I can take any more. All my senses and my spirit are overflowing with joy and we head for the bus ride back to camp.

Arrive back at camp early afternoon, still buzzing with the experience. Sandra and Jules decide to go four wheel driving across the desert with the French group. I decide to go do something I always wanted to do, ride a white Arabian horse across the desert. We arrange to meet in a hotel restaurant, which is outside and by the sea. I wave my sister goodbye as I go in search of someone to take me out on a horse. Find a friendly young lad who is a terrific rider. He leads me to a beautiful white horse and I mount. I haven’t tried to ride since I was a child. The whole experience was a nightmare as a kid but I always wanted to have another go. We trot past my sister; she grins wildly and waves. Off we go, the desert, the lagoon. Reaching the edge of the desert, the young lad asks me if I want to gallop? I don’t know how, so he grabs my reigns and his, kicks his legs and off we go. There I am, galloping as free as a bird on a white Arabian horse through the desert. I didn’t realise how sore your arse gets to be honest but the feeling of exhilaration was amazing. We stop at the lagoon and the boy signals that it’s okay for us to go in. So we take a wade and cool off.

What a day, what a night. I find my way to the restaurant, which is empty. Sit down on one of the laid back cushions on the floor, order coffee and watch as the big moon rises over the sea. The waiter arrives with my coffee, asks about my day. I tell him that I just climbed Sinai, that I ache a little but it was brilliant. I’ve seen this waiter before. He’s usually here around this time. We’ve met up with the French group here a couple of times for food and a drink. Tonight its empty in here, its cool, quiet. I sip my coffee and waiting for my sister to arrive I start to drift into sleep. Going, going, gone.

Shit, what’s going on? I wake abruptly, I feel something. I don’t believe this; heart starts pumping wildly, gone into fight mode.. the waiter... With all my might I slap him hard. Usama appears as if from nowhere. Runs to me, grabs me in his arms. Shouts something at the waiter. I am shaking. Usama’s asking what happened. I tell him. He shouts at me for being stupid and letting my guard down so far. The manager of the restaurant appears along with my sister, Julian and all the French. I feel ashamed. I want to run. Usama talks to the Manager, he tells Usama that is the tenth girl today that this man has tried this with. He feels that this boy is a son to him but he’s had enough and fires him.

I’m still shaking. I hobble back to camp, Usama keeping me upright, just. He makes me drink hot sweet tea. He talks to me calmly and leads me to my hut. Speaks to Bishbishi who is still putting his bed up outside my room every night. Camp owner offers me his bong. I refuse. I sit on my bed and weep silently all night, feeling abused and ashamed. Trying to work out how I could have seen an angel and been attacked by a demon all in one day. What’s the matter with me? Why does this keep happening to me over and over again? I’m lonely, exhausted, vulnerable.

I am still reeling with the events of yesterday. I can’t focus. I don’t know what to focus on. The angel or the demon? Why? I can’t figure out how I could have had two completely overwhelming but opposite experiences in one day. I can’t figure out what any of it means.

I head out for the safety of the shops with my sister. We meet up with a few familiar faces and get invited in for a chat. Everyone has heard about last night. A lot of the men are confused. They thought that all English girls were easy! I spent hours explaining to them that just because our cultures may be different, that girls in England deserve as much respect as women of their own country. It gave them food for thought. I listen to their perspective, it gives me food for thought also.

I guess this is just the same wherever you go.. there is good, there is bad... in all of us. None of this takes from the good I have experienced here... it's just another side of the same coin which is all part of life.

I head into the Internet shop. I tap into my hotmail account, e mail from Dad. Do I tell him about last night? Think I’d better turn it into a funny story or he’ll be worried. Then I see it. The thing I have been praying for. A letter from Phil.

“Dear ju,
I love you, I miss you. I’ve been a fool. Can you forgive me? Please come to Montana with me next month for the Pow Wow. Is everything ok? I can’t reach you at home; I’ve filled up your machine with messages. Call me or write, I am worried.
Love always,

And I sit, staring at his words and don’t know whether to laugh or cry.